Posts tagged ‘watching’

Why I’m NOT watching you

You are boring.

Seriously there is this image of Big Brother peering at his screens, zooming in on every little indiscretion. If I watch you pick your nose or pull your pants from your butt crack, believe me it is accidental. I do make an effort to give people their privacy in what is essentially a public space (public privacy is an oxymoron if I ever heard one) but sometimes I do have to watch.

There are also legal ramifications. I really only have the right to watch somebody if I can justify it. This normally means that they are likely to or have committed a crime. This then leads into the fact that I have no legal training at all. How am I, what is essentially a layman, meant to determine what constitutes a crime?

There are ways to guarantee being watched. Swear at me and I will watch you till the cows come home. This is a shame for Welshman and Minty who are particularly dedicated to showing their displeasure with a variety of upheld fingers (for some reason the single finger is the weapon of choice). Such antisocial behaviour gives me all the cause I need. Another way to be watched is to have sex in your car. This is rather a grey area as technically a car is private property. However it can also be construed as being in public or lewd behaviour and therefore is an offense. I err on the side of caution and watch from a discrete distance. If it looks like they are going too far (people around etc) then they will have a visit requested from the Police to cool their ardour.

One of the most controversial ways to get yourself watched, even amongst my peers, is to be scantily clad. Often watching / keeping an eye on somebody dressed in this way is considered perving but there is one argument that I always give. “I am a balanced and law abiding citizen and I’D grab it, God knows what the pervs of Smalltown would do!”

Of course the best way to get watched is to commit a crime. Try and shake me off then mofo!

So why am I not watching you? Honestly? I have better ways to spend my time and better things to be doing. However I am doing my level best to protect you. This Big Brother, for one, is benevolent.

June 12, 2009 at 21:15 2 comments


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