Posts tagged ‘human rights’

Why I’m NOT watching you

You are boring.

Seriously there is this image of Big Brother peering at his screens, zooming in on every little indiscretion. If I watch you pick your nose or pull your pants from your butt crack, believe me it is accidental. I do make an effort to give people their privacy in what is essentially a public space (public privacy is an oxymoron if I ever heard one) but sometimes I do have to watch.

There are also legal ramifications. I really only have the right to watch somebody if I can justify it. This normally means that they are likely to or have committed a crime. This then leads into the fact that I have no legal training at all. How am I, what is essentially a layman, meant to determine what constitutes a crime?

There are ways to guarantee being watched. Swear at me and I will watch you till the cows come home. This is a shame for Welshman and Minty who are particularly dedicated to showing their displeasure with a variety of upheld fingers (for some reason the single finger is the weapon of choice). Such antisocial behaviour gives me all the cause I need. Another way to be watched is to have sex in your car. This is rather a grey area as technically a car is private property. However it can also be construed as being in public or lewd behaviour and therefore is an offense. I err on the side of caution and watch from a discrete distance. If it looks like they are going too far (people around etc) then they will have a visit requested from the Police to cool their ardour.

One of the most controversial ways to get yourself watched, even amongst my peers, is to be scantily clad. Often watching / keeping an eye on somebody dressed in this way is considered perving but there is one argument that I always give. “I am a balanced and law abiding citizen and I’D grab it, God knows what the pervs of Smalltown would do!”

Of course the best way to get watched is to commit a crime. Try and shake me off then mofo!

So why am I not watching you? Honestly? I have better ways to spend my time and better things to be doing. However I am doing my level best to protect you. This Big Brother, for one, is benevolent.

June 12, 2009 at 21:15 2 comments

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