Posts filed under ‘life’

Things Police do that annoy me.

We generally have an excellent relationship with the force here in Smalltown. They scratch our backs and we scratch back. Other times its like we are on different planets let alone teams. Here are some of the things that the Police Service do that drive me batshit insane.

  • Ask us to watch somebody rather then actually dealing with it in the way it deserves (for example Head Stamping and watching a man die)
  • Use the CCTV system as a diagnostic tool ignoring the experience and opinions of operators (no it all looks quiet at the moment (yes because he was stabbed before we put the images through dumbass))
  • Try to bypass procedures. If you want a copy of footage for investigative purposes then CONTACT THE MAN EMPLOYED TO DO THIS! If it IS really needed urgently (yeah right!) then i will do a copy but you at least need to be bothered to get the request done.
  • Tell me that x, y or z is around and ask me to watch them. I can’t do this, its called The European Convention on Human Rights.
  • Avoid arresting people because it is a) busy b) near the end of your shift or c) the cells are full. 20 minutes after you blissfully bugger off home they ALWAYS bottle somebody, ie Head Stamping
  • Sit in my control room and distract me when I am obviously busy. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE seeing you fellas (and girls…phwoar) but if I have 3 phones ringing and two radios bleating I’m probably not in the mood for company. I also will not be interested in “taking a look at that arrest you did last week”
  • Wash up your coffee mugs after aforesaid visit.
  • Don’t make me coffee on aforesaid visit.
  • Sign in as PC Mickey Mouse and PC Daisy Duck, this causes questions to be asked at management level.
  • Switching to an incident channel for something we have involvement in and not switching us over also.
  • Use the term “No complaint so no offenses revealed” I don’t give a fuck if his girlfriend wont moan about being punched in the stomach I FUCKING SAW IT.
  • Chase misspers that are really kids that have gone out…again.
  • Put your damn hands inside your tunic. You look sloppy and if he pulls a knife wont be able to stop it plunging into your carotid. However this will lower the number of double napoleon tunic pocket fools.
  • Ask me if we can see x, y or z location. We cant see it, we have never seen it and we wont be seeing it.
  • Don’t ask if I can see x, y , z location when there is a camera right up its arsehole.
  • Don’t bring me Percy Pigs!
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June 30, 2009 at 17:25 3 comments

Death of a Legend

This blog was never really intended for non vocational stuff but I think that it really needs saying.


Goodbye Michael, you will be sadly missed and fondly remembered.

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June 27, 2009 at 06:35 Leave a comment

Sometimes nothing happens

And you sit.

Thumbs are twiddled.

Cameras moved.

Rabbits watched.

Occasionally somebody will walk down the street on their way to work.

A crime may occur where you cant see, you will spin all cameras within a 30 mile radius in that direction hoping, praying for a slice of the action.

Maybe I will take up poetry.

Vogon Poetry

My grunkirtle was sadly outrooth,

So I heptated the samoflange,


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June 25, 2009 at 15:28 3 comments

In the Ghetto

I’m a bit pressed for time this morning so I thought I would just share this little ditty about Smalltowns less upmarket areas…

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June 15, 2009 at 10:41 Leave a comment

How do I become a Tube Driver?

Poor tube drivers are out on strike today after being offered a measly 1% pay increase for this years cost of living rise… what’s that…. 1% ABOVE inflation? So whatever happens to the economy they still get 1% above the state of play?

Excuse me 1 second


Now if that was me I’d be snapping their fingers off. It took the Local Government Workers nearly a year to get last years 2.5 (or so) %. Thats bottom line and I’m sure economists will note UNDER the level of inflation. But its ok because this year it will be different. I mean under the current climate 2.5 is good…right? MPS for example have been given 2.33%, Teachers get 2.3% and NHS staff get 2.4 percent. As a Local government worker I should be in the same realm really shouldn’t I . I mean Gordon Brown says we are really well paid and should tighten our belts.

Read this…..

View this document on Scribd

0.5%!!!!! Cunts (excuse the French) The RPI is at 5% and I haven’t had a pay rise that keeps with inflation for years. In fact due to “equality” and “Job Evaluation” my pay has been frozen for nearly 2 years now.

I truly am despairing over this. I love my job but nobody works for the love of the job unless they are rich and I am far from that (in fact my assets are negative) so it looks like I’d better get tightening that belt. On my wage that’s roughly a (cheap) packet of crisps a day. I think I’d rather have 365 packets of crisps and get it over with. Anyone know where i can get some tripe?

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June 10, 2009 at 11:49 Leave a comment

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